How I became Inspired Pt. 1- Surviving My Crazy Year

Hey guys! I am [majorly] stepping out of my comfort zone for this first post (The rest wont be tear jerkers, I promise!) to tell you my background story of the last year and share how The Lord has grown me through the busiest seasons of life. The combination of the life events I talk about in the beginning are what have driven me to begin this blog.  This particular post is a little emotional, but just hang in and keep reading... it has an uplifting ending! I hope you enjoy reading my story and are encouraged in some way by it!

Finding the Meaning of Faith

So here we go. Again, super out of my comfort zone... But, we will start with last summer. It was literally the busiest summer but in the best way. From girls trips, to bachelorette parties, to family vacations, I felt like I pretty much lived at the beach and it was amazing. Two of my very best friends got married, Nate and I celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary with our annual cruise vacation, we welcomed my precious nephew into the world, and to top it all off we completely gutted and renovated our entire home. BUSY, but life seemed like everything was going great, and for the most part, it was.

Until, the worst thing I could have ever imagined happened.

For a little back story, my dad and I have always been extremely close. We are basically the same person, and we just always understood each other. I knew he was always there for me to calm me down and make me feel like everything was going to be okay. Aside from some personal struggles he had dealt with, he truly was the BEST dad.

At the time, my dad was working in Boston, and had been out of town for several weeks with the count down on for him to come home. He had been in and out of rehab twice, and we all knew his heart's desire was to ditch the nasty addiction inside of him and never look back. He loved his family with his whole heart and hated to see them hurt because of an addiction. But, aside from continual efforts, he didn't know how to fix it.. and really, we didn't either.

It was September 16th, and also my little sister Emyle's 19th birthday. I was working that day, with plans to go to dinner for her birthday when I got off. But, little did I know my whole world was about to change.

That day at work, I answered a call I only hoped I would never receive. When I answered my mom's call she said in a voice of distraught, "Erin, you need to come to my house right now, it is about your dad and it is really bad." I immediately thought the worst and left work in a panic. When I finally reached my mom, I said with my voice trembling, holding back tears that were streaming down my face, "Mom, is dad alive?" She proceeded to answer, "No." My heart shattered in disbelief and questions of why. Earlier that morning, my dad's friend hadn't heard from him and went to check on him only to find him unconscious in his hotel bathroom. It was an accidental overdose.

I felt like my world stopped, I didn't want to believe it. I was waiting to hear that this had all been a mistake. But, (to get to a positive part of the story) the craziest thing also filled my heart at that time, something I never would have imagined in this time... the smallest sense of peace that could only be explained by one thing. Jesus. And it continued to grow.

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." Isaiah 43:2

Tears, questions, and thoughts of disbelief filled our hearts that day, and for weeks to come. My dad, my hero, was no longer just a phone call away. But the world just kept spinning. Life continued. It was the strangest and most difficult thing I had ever felt. Who would I call on my way to and from work every day? Or when I was upset about the most irrelevant things in life and just needed someone to listen? My dad was gone, and I could only hope that he was safe with Jesus in Heaven. People with good intentions consoled me with "Praying for you" and "it gets easier" and the most challenging thing I heard, which seemed to be one of the most popular, was "he is safe and free in Heaven now".... but the question that little did I know would soon refine my relationship with God in the most beautiful way was, Is he?

Possessing an extreme type A personality, it is in my nature to need a reason, a solution, or an answer for all things. But after searching, it boggled my mind to realize there was no way to know for 100% sure that my dad was saved and in Heaven-- A place I dreamt of and believed in for years. BUT... and this is a big one... I soon came to realize, this was the most memorable time in my life (aside from my salvation) where the meaning of FAITH became real to me. I had to have Faith. No, I will never know for 100% sure my dad is in Heaven. But what I do know is that peace I felt that day when my world was crashing was from Jesus, the Holy spirit that lives in my heart. I know Jesus gave me that peace to allow me to open my heart to have faith that He had rescued my dad from his addiction. He was free. I had to trust that my many years of praying for his salvation and relationship with Jesus were answered.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

I believe Jesus opened my eyes and gave clarity to the true definition of faith that day to provide comfort and peace in a time where it seemed unattainable. Now, months later, I believe He has called me to share that faith with others. No I still don't have definite proof of my dad's entrance through the gates of Heaven.. No I haven't seen any "visions" or "signs" of my dad's presence in Heaven. But, there IS the most unexplainable clarity in the unknown. And through that, my hope is that I will see my dad again, and it will be the most glorious reunion because Christ will be by our side.

Fast forward to September 26th, just more than a week after my dad's passing, my wonderful husband and I learned we would be welcoming a baby this coming May! Our sweet baby was a total surprise from the Lord. The news of new life only added to the peace that God had provided. We are so excited to meet our little boy in a few short weeks, and thank God for this wonderful blessing.

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast." 1 Peter 5:10 



Stay tuned for more posts on how we found out, our home renovation, and all things baby. Thanks for reading!

How to Help

I know my dad was passionate about helping others, because of the countless amount of times he spoke about doing something for those also struggling with addiction. He even wanted to become a counselor so that he could help. So, I believe the best way I can make my dad proud is to share his story, in hopes it might help someone as he so desperately desired to do.

Just know if you are struggling, you are WORTHY and there is HOPE. Do not wait to get help in fear you might disappoint someone. My dad's addiction did not change that he was the best dad with the BEST heart. If you are struggling, or know someone struggling and need someone to listen, please contact me at the email below. I don't have all the answers, but I have ears willing to listen. :)

You are loved! -Erin

ErinSGarner@gmail.com

Link to Local Rehabilitation

Cornerstonerecovery.com